Robert W. Birch, Ph.D.
Sexologist & Adult Sexuality Educator
One thing both men and women will agree upon is that good sex is
wet! As a woman becomes sexually aroused, the tissue lining the first inch
or so of her vagina begins to swell. As this area swells, it begins squeezing
that exquisite slippery fluid (clinically called the "transudate") out through
the hundreds of small ducts buried in that lining. These vaginal juices first
appear right inside the vagina, and it is only as the woman’s arousal builds
that the sexual secretions will run out the opening, and even then there might
not be any lubrication around her sensitive clitoris unless she or her partner
capture some and bring it up to caress this pleasure bud. Remember, even
an aroused woman might have a dry clitoris, and rubbing a dry clitoris will
often produce discomfort before it creates arousal.
It was once said that sex is perfectly natural, but unfortunately it’s not naturally perfect. Under perfect conditions a highly aroused young woman will lubricate profusely... at least if she is not nursing. In reality, however, certain medications (including some over-the-counter antihistamines), pregnancy and lactation, menopause or monthly hormonal fluctuations will inhibit the production of these wonderfully slippery juices. Also, some women are just slow starters, either because of their biology or the ineptness of their lover. Other women might feel highly aroused but for some unknown reason remain bone dry.
I should begin with a precaution. A lover should never poke a finger, a dildo or a cylindrical vibrator into a dry vagina! Men should remember the formula: Men get hard, Women get wet! A dry vagina is an indication that arousal is incomplete. This is the time someone should grab the lubricant and apply a small amount around the woman’s clitoris. Gentle massage with a slippery finger might arouse the woman and no additional lubricant, other then the woman’s own, would then be needed. This works very well with slow starters and provides a wonderful learning opportunity for a man who has somehow missed the importance of a woman’s clitoris. Remember, the clitoris is typically the source of a woman’s pleasure, not her vagina.
A woman who feels aroused, but for some reason does not sufficiently lubricate, will appreciate the application of a healthy amount of artificial lubricant not only around her clitoris, but around the opening of her vagina as well. The lubricant should be gently, but playfully, worked into the vaginal opening with a finger before a toy or penis is inserted. In fact, additional lubrication should be applied to the object, animate or inanimate, that is about to take the plunge. A good rule of thumb is that it is better to use too much lubrication than not enough.
We have talked so far about lubricants for vaginal intercourse or the insertion of toys for vaginal pleasure. However, there is another class of lubricants made specifically for anal play. One must remember that a vagina is self-lubricating... the anus is not! A lubricant must be used for safe and pleasurable anal penetration, but one must never insert a toy that could escape from slippery fingers and slide completely into the rectum! Choose your anal toys and your anal lubricants carefully. Butt plugs, for example, are specifically design to only go so far, and some anal lubricants contain a little numbing medication to make the backdoor experience a bit easier.
Finally, there are lubricants just for guys. Astroglide, K-Y Jelly and some of the other general lubricants are great for a gal, alone or with a partner, as women will begin adding some of their own juices to the mix. However, if a man is determined to polish his pole, he doesn’t want a lubricant that starts out great but becomes gummy before his task is complete. That’s why there are specific lubricants for a man’s solitary play.
A couple thoughts before I slide on out of here. Good old Vaseline has served men well for a lot of years when it comes to jacking off, but the newer male lubricants are smoother. Furthermore, Vaseline should never be used on a woman (since we do not know what grows in that product) and being petroleum-based, it should not be used with condoms or latex toys... it will cause them to deteriorate rapidly. Good sexual lubricants are water-soluble and mix readily with a woman’s own lubrication, cleaning up easily after the erotic encounter. Keep your Vaseline for chapped lips!
Lubricants make anal and vaginal play fun. However, never take a toy, finger or penis from in or around an anus and insert it in or around a vagina. That’s a serious 'No, no!' Have separate toys and keep them separate, and to be safe, invest in a sex toy cleaner (like Silly Suds Cleanser) to kill any bacteria that might decide to hang around.
Some lubricants are packaged (like Astroglide) so the bottle can be heated in a cup of hot water. The result is a product that is warm and slippery.... aaaah , that makes for some fun play not only around the clitoris, but around nipples as well. Try some warm slippery fingers around the sensitive rim on the head of an erect penis. Lubricants make sensual exploration more exciting.
Using an artificial water-soluble lubricant when a condom is in use will decrease the possibility of breakage during intercourse, and here’s another prize winning suggestion involving a rubber and a lubricant. Some women are not fond of accepting a man’s ejaculate in their mouths at his climax of her oral pleasuring. Here’s a tip for such women: Perform your fellatio slowly, adding great variety as you tease the man to a high pitch, stopping short of his point of no return. Squirt several drops of lubricant into the end of a dry condom so when you lay the condom on top of the eager erection, the lubrication will be on the inside. Manually roll the condom down over the head of his penis with your fingers, but then use your mouth to push it down to the base. Now get serious with your blow job, keeping enough pressure on the condom so that it slides with your mouth. The man will experience a warm slippery feeling and... well we know where that will end. The results of his orgasm will be in the condom, however, and not in your mouth. You can experience the expulsion without worrying about your taste buds... unless of course your guy tastes better than the taste of a latex rubber!
Have fun and stay wet!
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