Dirty Ditties
By
The Jack of all Trades,
 Master of Pun

I zipped my peter in my fly,
the pain was such I had to cry.
And on that day I sealed my doom.
One must not cry in the locker room.

I sit beneath an apple tree,
My dick is out as you can see.
I took it out, though not to pee,
I simply want to play with me.

If I were a sheik and had a harem,
I'd try my best to never scare ‘em.

If a bachelor with many lovers,
I'd want you there beneath my covers.

If I were on a desert isle,
I'd pick you first . . . I love your style.

So if you saw a line of dicks,
would I be in your top ten picks?

If you chose to have a lay,
would you let me have my way?

If you asked to have some fun,
could I please be your number one.

Mary had a little twat,
She played with it today,
And when she rubbed her clitoris,
Her dryness went away.

Evil is as evil do,
If you stroke and if you screw.
If you beat your pecker sore,
Then you come inside a whore,
What's the price when you are through,
Is it one sin?    Is it two?

I said to her
“Now close your eyes
I have for you
A big surprise.

It's long and hard,
Could win a prize
For coloration
And its size.”

She peeked of course
For she is wise
To wishful thinking
And my lies.

Patty may and Patty might,
Hell, Patty wants it every night.

Patty sure does love to screw,
Seems that Patty's never through.

She's a gal who gives good head,
But she'd rather fuck instead.

On her back or on her front,
It's not hard to find her cunt.

Patty's wet when she is hot,
Patty's got a sweet G spot.

She will screw till one man's done,
Then she'll find another one.

Patty, Patty, without fail,
She's my favorite piece of tail.

Will you be my valentine,
and will you be my honey?
Will you sit upon my face,
I cannot give you money?

Will you spread your legs apart
and let me lick your clittie?
Will you let me love your heart
and fondle your left tittie?

I hope to see you later, then,
I'll look for you online.
I cannot guess the where or when,
but hope that you'll be mine!

                 © 2003 Bob Birch

FIND MORE OF THIS AUTHOR'S "DIRTY DITTIES" IN THE BOOK TITLED EROTIC SAMPLER

erotic poetry
AND THAT IS THAT: A Book of Dirty Rotten Poetry

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